The Questions

This was so fun to do! Thanks to those few of you who participated! I thought this would be a fun way to give you some answers that potentially others may be wondering about too. I also haven't done a nitty-gritty/detailed look into the process or our day-to-day functions of this process. So here goes:

Q: "Where is the first adventure y'all want to take your child?"

A: Well we are praying hard that they come along before August because our annual vacation is then, and we think it would be the best time having them around for the lake with the whole family! On the realistic likelihood they come along after, I want to do a weekend trip to the lake or beach, just because those places hold a special place in my heart. Maybe even Atlantic Beach where Dan and I have some fun memories of our dating life. Dan says the lake too. He also thinks he will be putting them in a "Backpack thing" and taking them on a jet ski. He got quite a face for that answer, and my family will fill his inbox with "DAN! YOU AREN'T TAKING OUR BABY ON A JETSKI" after they read this. In all seriousness, he is completely kidding, we are very responsible. He can't wait to take them on their first kayak trip. (It's our favorite past time.)

Q: "What’s the estimated time this process is supposed to take? I’m sure it’s different for everybody"

A: So yes, it's different for everyone, there isn't really a set timeframe. It all depends on what agencies you choose. It also varies by state because each homestudy process is different. Our timeframe for the homestudy is 6 to 8 weeks. That's dependent on how fast we assemble our paperwork and complete all the requirements. After our homestudy, our consultant agency has said it will take anywhere from 6 to 10 months to match. Once matched, we could have many failed matches meaning a mama chooses us, but ultimately decides to parent. That's a win, that family stays together. We however, go back to waiting. Once matched, placed with our child, we wait until all papers are signed in court etc. We are looking at close to a year or maybe longer, but praying things go smoothly and trusting God has a plan that enables us to do whatever possible to have our child by the end of this year!

Q: "What steps does the adoption process include? Is there a lot to prepare on your end, or is it mostly waiting?"

A: First step, prayer. LOTS of prayer and asking for guidance.

Second step, finding a homestudy agency. This means we choose who will come into our home to evaluate. That process is lengthy and full of piles of paperwork. We've written narratives about every part of our lives, gotten medical things in order, different emergency plans, job information, any and everything in paper form to show every detail of who we are.

Third step, homestudy approved we can then either use social media, or choose an agency to help us match with what we are looking for. You can sign with an agency at any time, but you need a homestudy no matter what so we decided to do that first so when we sign with our consultant agency we can start to be matched immediately.

Next steps are all the paperwork signing, state laws etc., and revocation periods are over, and then we can bring our child home. Shortly after we will have a court date to make it officially official. Then we have some follow-up visits with our homestudy agency in the few years following.

Q: "Is there any differences in the process when it comes to adopting outside of the US rather than inside of the US?"

A: I have no idea about this one. I know it's very different and there is a LOT more that goes into international adoptions. I've only heard things, so I can't be a credible source for international adoption. I would be interested to do more research on international adoption, but for now I want to soak up all the info for domestic since that's taking up the most space on our plates!

Q: "When adopting, do you know where your child will come from before hand, or is it more of a situation where once a child is ready to be adopted they let you know, regardless of where they were born?"

A: Yes and no. That depends on the adoption type. Open, semi-private, and closed, those are pretty much how they sound. Open or semi-private is what is suggested, but ultimately for us it's what the expectant mama wants, and what we can agree on. It's situationally based on what we all decide as what's best in our lives. In some cases, the expectant mama wants you there for that last few appointments, and some you don't meet, you're just told "the mama is about to give birth, time to pack and head to. . ." We will know where they are because we can choose to present to expectant mamas or not, and we will have to know what the state adoption laws and such are (because they are ALL different). We will most likely know when they are due ahead of time, but we also may not. All we may know is when and where, and we wait for the call to go. If you choose a specific agency, it's different and dependent on what their policies are. When using a consultant we will still be in contact with agencies when we present to an expectant mom. Presenting simply means we pay the agency's fees to show an expectant mama our book we made about the story of us.

Q: "Do you have any big plans once you have your daughter/son? Or are you guys just going to take it easy for awhile!?"

A: Our plans are to soak up all the cuddles and take it easy for a while. Dan says "we gotta get our parent groove going and stuff" and I like that! Just watch our little human grow, and take turns lysol-ing (non-toxic antibac spraying) the heck out of people that come visit. (Shoutout to Devin who stuck to her guns and really did this providing enviable new-mom goals.) Mainly looking forward to seeing each other in a new role.

Q: "What are you most nervous about with adoption? And what are you most certain of?"

A: I love this question. I think I'll start with what I would say the easy part of this question is. I am most certain this is our calling, and the little being that is meant for us is coming to us this way. I am certain everything that has conspired in our lives has built us for this moment. Which is weird because at the same time I am nervous about being prepared. This is such a new space for anyone around me, and what we know of parenthoood. The thing I am most nervous about is a really vulnerable and sensitive area for me. I am nervous as a hopeful mama for this expectant mama. I want her to always feel that we love her, we value her, we are proud of her, and that we honor her choice. She will always be special to this little babe for their entire life. In what is a painful, difficult situation, I want to honor her how she needs me to, and ensure she feels exactly how her heart may need to in order to be the best her. I hope she always has unwavering support that she needs, and that because of us, she knows her worth to this little life. It's hard to explain, and I hope that made some sort of rational sense... It's a deeply rooted feeling for me. Maybe nervous isn't even the best description, perhaps anticipation is better. My whole life of feeling all the feelings, being an empathetic person has guided and grown me to be capable of this process. Capable of being needed in this deeper way than I ever expected.

Dan's response: I'm nervous about balancing this new life. Such a big change warrants some lifestyle changes, job shifting, and financial evaluating. All stuff we can do, but it's a new pressure to provide for another little person in this family who depends on me. I'm certain it's going to bring the most joy to us."

He's a man of few words when he gets emotional. ;) Also he's new to sharing feelings on the internet and given the choice absolutely otherwise would not. I hope yall feel really special.

Q: "What is the one wish you have for your child?"

A: It's hard to narrow it down to one...

That they know for their entire life that they are loved and valued by God. They have identity in Him first and foremost. I want them to never doubt our love for them, and that we will be their biggest fans in support of their goals. My wish is that they always know they can achieve anything they set their mind to if they are kind, honest, and work hard.

Dan's answer, "To have a better life than I did. I want them to know that they can achieve everything they set their mind to if they work hard."

This was so fun to do! Thanks to you few who submitted questions!

with grace,

Dan & Kal